Kamal Ghorui
Have you ever been in that weird, frustrating limbo where someone gives you just enough attention to keep you on the hook, but never enough to make you feel like you’re actually in a relationship? It’s that exhausting “gray area” where they don’t really want to be with you, but they’ll be sad if they let anyone else be in a relationship with you.If this sounds like your current dating life, then beware– you’re being “seagulled.” It’s the latest dating trend taking over social media and therapy couches alike, and honestly? It’s as messy as it sounds.
The Seagull metaphor: Swoop, grab, and guard
Think about the last time you were at the beach with a bag of fries. A seagull doesn’t hover because it wants to get to know you; it dives in, snatches a fry, and then screams at every other bird that tries to get close. It’s not even that the bird is starving—it just doesn’t want anyone else to enjoy what you’ve got.In the dating world, a “seagull” acts exactly the same way. They swoop into your life when they’re bored or need an ego boost, grab your attention, and then aggressively guard their “territory” the moment you try to move on. They want the benefits of your love and the relationship, without the “burden” of a title or commitment.It’s a power move, plain and simple. They thrive on the control of knowing you’re waiting by the phone, even if they have no intention of actually picking it up.
3 telltale signs you’re dealing with a Seagull in your love life
The reason seagulling is so effective (and toxic) is that it’s subtle. It mimics real interest just enough to keep you confused. Here’s how to tell if you’re being toyed with:1. The “breadcrumbing” rollercoaster: One week, they’re sending you memes, planning “maybe” dates, and liking every single one of your social media posts and stories. The next? They completely disappeare. This isn’t just “being busy”—it’s a calculated way to keep you addicted to the dopamine hit of their return. You’re left chasing the crumbs of the person they were to you earlier while they’ve disappeared in just a few days.2. The “gatekeeping” maneuver: This is a classic sign of the seagull. Try to pull away, mention you’re hopping back on the apps, or go out with someone else, and watch how fast they reappear. They’ll suddenly become the most charming, attentive version of themselves just to sabotage your fresh start. They don’t want you to leave them, even if they commiting to you.3. The “secret snack” syndrome: You’ve been datong each other for months, but you haven’t met a single friend. You aren’t on their social media, and “meeting the parents” is a concept that sounds alien. To a seagull, you are a convenience—a secret snack they keep in the pantry for when they’re hungry, but never something they’re proud to show off at the dinner table.
Why it’s toxic—And how to shoo them away
Seagulling is emotional manipulation. Every time you think you’ve finally gotten over them, they pop back up to drain your energy. Over time, this erodes your self-worth. You start wondering why you aren’t “good enough” for a real commitment, forgetting that the problem isn’t your value—it’s their inability to be an adult.
So, how do you set free?
1. Demand clarity: Use your words. Ask, “What are we actually doing here?” A seagull will usually dodge, dive, or give you a response about how they “aren’t ready for labels.” That’s your cue to exit.2. Stop accepting crumbs: If they only reach out when it’s convenient for them, stop being available. Your time is a premium resource, not a backup plan.3. Close the buffet: Sometimes, you have to stop being the “fry” on the beach. Block the number, mute the stories, and focus on someone who actually wants to walk beside you, not just swoop in when they’re bored.Dating should feel like a steady, mutual flight—not a frantic scramble to protect your heart from a scavenger. You deserve someone who stays for the whole meal, not just the highlights.What’s your “seagull” story? We’ve all had that one person who just wouldn’t let us go but wouldn’t let us in. Share your experiences in the comments—let’s help each other spot the wings before they dive!
