Kamal Ghorui
There was a time when dinner tables were noisy. One discussing school, one complaining about homework, one telling a story about a teacher, one quarrelling with a sister. Food was not the only thing about dinner. It was about talking.Now in many houses, dinner tables are quiet. Not peaceful quiet. Phone quiet.Parents ask, “How was school?”Teenagers say, “Fine.”“What did you do?”“Nothing.”And the conversation ends there.But the interesting thing is, the same teenagers who say “nothing” at the dinner table can talk for three hours straight with their friends. Voice notes, calls, messages, reels, group chats. They are not silent people. They are just silent at home.This is something many parents are confused about. They believe that teenagers are getting distant or secretive. However, according to psychologists who examine adolescence, there is something different. Teenagers are not trying to move away from their families. They are attempting to create their identity.And identity is usually built more with friends than with parents.At home, teenagers often feel like they are still seen as children. Outside, with friends, they feel like individuals. So they talk more where they feel more equal and less judged.Another reason is very simple. Many conversations at home are not really conversations. They are questions, advice, reminders, or instructions.Did you finish homework?Why are you using your phone so much?Study properly.Sleep early.Don’t waste time.What are your marks?After some time, teenagers start expecting every conversation to become a lecture. So they reduce conversations.Many parents also say, “My child tells everything to their friends but not to me.” But if you think about it, friends usually listen more and advise less. Parents advise more and listen less. So teenagers choose where they feel heard.Research in adolescent psychology actually shows that teenagers don’t stop needing their parents during teenage years. They just stop showing it in obvious ways. The silent dinner table is not always about distance. It is sometimes not knowing how to speak to one another anymore.Interestingly, some families have managed to solve this in very straightforward ways. Not through coercing conversation, but by altering the timing of conversation. According to many parents, the best conversations with teenagers are in cars, at a late hour, watching something together, or doing some activity together. Not over a table with face-to-face questions.Perhaps, the issue is not that teenagers do not want to talk.Perhaps the issue is that, we continue to pose questions rather than initiate conversations.Teenagers are actually talking all the time if you can listen.Just never necessarily at the dinner table.
