Kamal Ghorui
On social media and in familial bonds, being the younger sibling looks like a free walk in the most beautiful park with the perfect weather and a snack in hand. However, in reality, the walk might be filled with numerous hurdles, the park may have an entry fee and the snack may have been bought with your own money. Because when you are a younger sibling, life often feels hyper independent. Relying on your elder sibling feels like a burden while your parents are too tired to do everything again and repeat every lesson once more.Younger siblings may be the fun one, who cracks jokes all the time and breezes through life as if nothing is wrong, but often behind this attitude lies the lesson of maturing before age, of living life without relying much on others.The world harbours some extremely misinformed and unrealistic misconceptions about the lives of the younger siblings. Thus, we asked five women to reveal misconceptions the world holds about being the younger sibling.
“Younger siblings are the spoilt child”: Adya, 25, has two elder siblings
Many believe that younger siblings are the spoiled child, the one who gets what they want and does what they feel like doing. However, most of the time they are forced to grow up earlier than most. They learn the basic lessons of self-reliance quickly while growing up and end up teaching adulting to their elder siblings at times. “From a young age, we have multiple people to look up to and learn from, which often gives us a deeper understanding of others’ emotions,” said Adya.By the time the second child arrives, parents have already worked out much of their anxiety. “Rules become less rigid, not out of neglect, but because experience has given them perspective. Growing up in these conditions, the younger sibling learns early to negotiate, observe, and understand people,” said Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (A.M) Psychotherapist, Life Alchemist, Coach & Healer to The Times of India.
“Younger siblings can be detached from family responsibilities”: Anushka, 23, has one elder sibling
Birth order in families often assigns emotional roles that nobody consciously thought about. The eldest typically becomes the mediator at times, working out conflicts and miscommunication. However, over the years, elder siblings can grow up maintaining a distance from familial events and responsibilities. “My brother often lacks the time to call home and discuss daily life. Thus, over the years I have become the go-to person for my parents to approach for problems,” said Anushka.While the younger sibling enters a family that is already stable, they may be free of the roles their elder sibling has to fulfil initially. “Paradoxically, this freedom from obligation often produces a more genuine emotional presence later, which is available by choice rather than duty, which makes it considerably more meaningful,” said Dr Chandni.
“Younger child is always in the spotlight”: Jiya, 22, has one elder sibling
When it comes to achievements, younger siblings can often feel overshadowed. What they have achieved, has already been done by the elder one and thus no victory feels truly worth a family cheer. “Lots of times in life, I have had to point out my achievements to get them noticed since my parents have been more worried about my elder brother and he has been preoccupied with his own life,” said Jiya.With the elder siblings crossing monumental thresholds earlier in life, small moments like graduating or learning to cook can be ignored when they come to the younger one. At times, this slowly transforms them into an overachiever who is doing it all in order to finally gain appreciation, sometimes from others.
“Younger siblings are YOLO rebels”: Tanisha, 21, has one elder sibling
Younger siblings are often considered to have cruised through life as a rebel in the movies. In reality, they learn from their elder sibling’s mistakes, breakdowns and rants and mature faster. “People just assume that younger siblings live YOLO, but the truth is that we have observed enough people in the family growing up to take life as it comes, without stress,” said Tanisha.Growing up after an elder sibling, one notices their mistakes, consequences and recoveries in person. This exposure builds a more grounded understanding of risks. “When younger siblings do challenge boundaries, they do so with considerably more awareness than the stereotype suggests. They are not avoiding risk, rather they are simply better at assessing it before they act,” said the expert.
“Younger siblings are never scrutinised”: Saloni, 23, has one elder sibling
Younger siblings often are more scrutinised and monitored in life, their decisions and behaviours are collectively analysed in the family. Rather than an abstract ideal, they are often compared to their elder sibling whose choices and outcomes the family has already seen. “My parents often comment on my life choices, warning me about the outcomes. While I understand they come from a place of worry, it also comes from the expectations of having a certain kind of life they imagined for me,” said Saloni.Every decision that a younger sibling makes, whether good or bad, is often pitted against what the elder sibling did in the same situation. As per the expert, this comparison is rarely made obvious, but lingers and quietly shapes how the younger child is treated, “without anyone in the family realising it.”While from the outer lens, the life of a younger sibling might seem like a happy joy ride, they do have their own fair share of highs and lows. For parents, it is vital to understand that their younger one is their own person in the making and for the elder sibling, a simple friendly conversation can sometimes let you know just how different your sibling might be feeling.
