Kamal Ghorui
If you ask most parents what respect looks like, the answers are usually very clear.Say namaste.Touch elders’ feet.Don’t talk back.Don’t sit while elders are standing.Use “aunty,” “uncle,” “sir,” “ma’am.”All visible things. All easy to correct. All easy to judge from the outside.But here’s the uncomfortable question.Have you ever seen someone who is extremely polite to elders and extremely rude to everyone else?Most of us have.Very soft voice at home.Very arrogant with waiters.Very respectful to teachers.Very mean to classmates.Perfect namaste.Zero kindness.So clearly, we taught manners.
We’re not always teaching respect.Because respect is not a festival behaviour. It’s not something you switch on when relatives come home. Real respect shows in very boring, everyday situations.It shows in how you talk to people who cannot complain about you.It shows in how you talk about people when they leave the room.It shows in how you behave when someone disagrees with you.It shows in whether you think some jobs are “less important” than others.Children are watching all this. All the time. Much more than we think.We tell them, “Talk politely,” but they hear us shouting at customer care.We tell them, “Respect everyone,” but they hear us making fun of someone’s English or job.We tell them, “Don’t be rude,” but they see us being rude to people who work for us.Children don’t learn respect from instructions.They learn respect from watching power dynamics. Who we are polite to. Who we ignore. Who we shout at. Who we try to impress.Also, maybe we need to slightly update what we mean by respect. Earlier, respect mostly meant hierarchy. Older people, teachers, bosses, parents. You respect people above you. That was the system.But the world children are growing up in is different. They are told to ask questions, have opinions, choose careers, speak up, be confident, think independently. And then sometimes we also expect them to never disagree with elders. That’s confusing.Disagreement is not always disrespect.Silence is not always respect.Fear is definitely not respect.If a child is scared to talk in front of you, that is not respect. That is fear with good manners.Real respect today probably looks more like this: being kind to people who serve you, not making fun of someone’s background, listening when someone else is speaking, not assuming you are better than someone because of money, marks, English, or job.It’s less about touching feet and more about not stepping on people.Namaste is a beautiful gesture. But what matters more is what happens after the namaste. How you talk. How you treat people. How you behave when nobody is watching.Because in the end, people don’t remember whether you greeted them perfectly.They remember whether you treated them like they mattered.
