Kamal Ghorui
One of the big misunderstandings parents have is this idea that children will automatically become strong as they grow up. Like resilience is something that just comes with age. It doesn’t. Quite on the contrary, resilience is built up of little awkward events, and a majority of such events occur at home, rather than outdoors.Consider our way of handling children when something is wrong.The minute they forget something, we run and fix it. If they fight with a friend, we intervene. When they lose anything, we bring another of the same as soon as possible. When they fall short anywhere we say it is all right, it does not count, do not take it badly. We are constantly cushioning everything.
We think we are protecting them. But sometimes what we are actually doing is removing every opportunity for them to learn how to deal with life.Because life is not going to cushion everything for them.Resilience is actually a very simple thing. Something goes wrong. You feel bad. You sit with that feeling. Then you figure out what to do next. That’s it. That is resilience. Not some big motivational concept. Just the ability to not collapse when something doesn’t go your way.But many kids today are not used to things not going their way. Not because they are spoiled or weak or anything like that. But because adults around them are constantly solving things before they even get a chance to try.A child forgets homework. Parent rushes to school and gives it.A child breaks something. Parent says it’s okay and replaces it immediately.A child fights with a friend. Parent calls the other parent.A child loses something. Parent buys a new one the same day.So the child never really experiences consequence, problem solving, or recovery. Everything just gets reset.Then one day something big goes wrong. And suddenly the child doesn’t know how to handle disappointment, failure, rejection, or embarrassment. And everyone wonders why they are “not strong enough.”But strength is built slowly. In very normal moments.When a child loses a game and you don’t say “It’s okay, you should have won,” but instead you say, “Okay, so what will you do next time?”When a child forgets something and instead of fixing it, you let them face the teacher once.When a child breaks something and you ask them to help fix or replace it.When a child has an issue with a friend, and you ask the child, “What do you think you should do?”They are little things, yet such is where emotional strength does actually build up.Tough children are not those who do not fail.They are children who understand that it is not the end of the world because of failing.And that lesson is not taught through lectures.It is taught through everyday life.
